


Grief

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s03e22 Posse Comitatus, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-27
Updated: 2008-07-27
Packaged: 2019-05-30 13:31:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15097685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Abbey and CJ take their relationship further in the aftermath of Simon's death.





	Grief

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: these are entirely not my characters, although my imagination seems to be with them forever  


* * *

“No, that can’t be right. He was just on his way to the field office.” CJ’s thoughts were spiraling out of control. She couldn’t believe what the head of the Secret Service had just told her, surely Ron was mistaken. Simon had just been there, he had just been out on the street, on the phone, smiling at her, kissing her, making evening plans. There was no way. 

She gasped for air. It was all too much, she needed fresh air. “I – I need to. . .” She trailed off as she walked away from Ron. She just needed to be alone. The cold night air rushed over her vocal chords as she let out her first sob. She kept walking, knowing that she couldn’t have an emotional breakdown in front of the theatre with the entire White House Press Corp watching. As she walked the world continued spinning around her. She had to find a seat soon. 

How could this have happened? What was wrong with her? The first person she had felt anything for in ages was now dead. How was life this unfair? After years of dead end relationships, she gasped for air. They weren’t even, you could hardly call this a relationship, it was flirting and one kiss. But her heart hurt. She sat down on the nearest bench, unaware of the masses of people walking down the sidewalk. There was a physical pain in her chest, as if vacuum was pulling everything down into her stomach. She gasped for air again, letting the brisk night air fill her lungs, praying that the pain would stop. Her head kept spinning, thoughts of Simon, possible love lost. Images of herself trying to recover from years of rejection began to haunt the corners of her consciousness, the process of pulling herself together after Abbey Bartlet kissed her and walked away. It had taken CJ months to recover from Abbey’s kiss, and finally she felt like kissing someone again and he was dead? She had finally found someone that made her smile, someone to get dressed for in the mornings, someone to flirt with at work.

~~~~~

Abbey paced back in forth in the lobby. Jed had called her earlier in the evening, soon after he got the news. She still couldn’t believe the unlikely event had happened, that a secret service agent had walked into the middle of an armed robbery. He had called again from the limo; the motorcade should be arriving back at the White House any minute. CJ was going to grab some stuff from her office and then they would have a car take her home, Jed was certain CJ was in no mindset to drive herself. Abbey began to hear the sirens, faint against the normal commotion of the lobby, but growing louder at a steady pace. She reached the door right as the limo was opened. Jed jumped out, gave Abbey a quick kiss, and reached back in to pull CJ into the air. 

Abbey was pushed aside by what seemed like 15 people all trying to help CJ in the door and to her office. She reached out and grabbed Jed, suggesting that they wait while everyone else helped CJ. “Jed, I think that someone should go with CJ back to her apartment. It’s not that I’m worried she is, well that she would do anything to herself. She’s not that person. But it would be nice for to have a shoulder to lean on tonight, rather than crying herself to sleep.”

“Yeah, Abbey I agree. I still can’t believe it happened. I mean right there two blocks away from the hub of my security, one of my guards, the finest we have, was gunned down by a connivance store thief.”

“We can get back to the improbability of it later; we need to make plans for CJ right now. Do you know where Donna is? Maybe she can stay with CJ tonight?” Abbey was concerned for her friend, and deeply wanted to be the one to comfort her, but she didn’t want to seem over zealous. Abbey had intentionally avoided any one on one time with the press secretary since the night of her birthday party, since that moment in the hall. She simply didn’t know how to deal with the fact that although she was head over heals in love with Jed, she felt a deep connection to CJ. 

“Yes, someone should stay with her tonight. But honey don’t you think CJ would rather have you around? Someone with more experience, someone who has dealt more with death and grief?”

“Well, sure Jed, that makes sense. Are you okay with that? Are you sure you don’t need me here?” As thrilled as Abbey was at the prospect of comforting CJ, she couldn’t imagine leaving her husband alone tonight. Jed didn’t have an outstanding track record of working things through in his head. He worked best when he could lay beside her in bed for hours talking through the day’s events, making sense of the senseless violence and chaos he had to deal with everyday. 

“Yes Abbey, don’t be stupid. I’ll survive a night without you, but CJ might not. She should have a friend tonight.” The president took a long pause before he continued. “You didn’t see her in the car tonight, she’s not herself. She couldn’t pull it together; I’ve never seen her like that before. Abbey, she needs you.” The president had the faintest hint of tears in his eyes as he told his wife this last bit. How could Abbey resist? Clearly Jed understood that she should be with CJ. With that determination Abbey embraced her husband, gave him a kiss, and shared a deep gaze that only comes with the familiarity of sharing ones life with a best friend. She cleared her throat and turned away walking towards CJ’s office.

~~~

“Come on CJ, just sit up and drink a little bit of the orange juice.” Abbey lightly rubbed CJ’s back, attempting to rouse her out of bed. It had been a full day, and CJ had only consumed a few sips of water. Abbey knew that CJ needed some fluid in her body, especially considering all the tears she had wept the night before. The two women had arrived back at CJ’s apartment near two in the morning. It was all Abbey could do to convince CJ to change out of her evening gown before curling up in bed. She had barely moved since then, only two short trips to the bathroom. She had yet to utter more than a few words at a time.

“I can’t Abbey, I just--” CJ’s words trailed off as she rolled toward the First Lady who was sitting beside her on the bed. She raised her upper body to meet the glass, resting the weight on her elbows. After a small sip she smiled. She realized that Abbey had stayed with her all night. Abbey had put her in bed, forced her to drink water, held her close while she cried, and sat patiently while she slept. She took another sip from the glass. “You know you didn’t have to stay, you don’t have to stay, I know you have things to get to.”

“Nonsense Claudia, someone has to be here with you. Someone has to make you take care of yourself. Besides no matter how solitary the pain may feel a lover’s death is a horrible thing to face alone.”  
CJ cringed as Abbey used the word and answered, “You can hardly say the word lover. We weren’t even— we hadn’t even gone on a date yet. I don’t know why I’m a mess, I shouldn’t be, it wasn’t even real, I have only—I had only known Simon for a little more than month.” 

“No, now that is ridiculous CJ. I won’t hear you speak that way. You think your feelings are that hidden? You think we all didn’t see the glances you two stole at each other when you thought no one was looking? You think I did not notice a spring in your step that hasn’t been there since--” Now it was Abbey’s voice that trailed off as she was unsure of how to reference the kiss the two women had shared the night Abbey decided to relinquish her medical license. “Claudia,” the first lady whispered softly, “these past few weeks your eyes have started to sparkle, so no matter how you try to label it or play it down, something with Simon was special.”

At that statement, CJ lowered herself back on to the pillows letting out a gasp of air, followed by another deep breath as she raced to control her thoughts. Her efforts did no good, as the gasps let to tears and to sobs. Christ, how could she let this happen? How did she get her heart so tied up in relationships that weren’t even real? She had put her personal life on hold while she created a career any man would admire. She pined after Abbey for years, only to finally kiss her and then be told it could never happen again. She found a guy who was her equal, who could match her wit with outstanding fortitude yet still make her weak at the knees, and he was now dead. What was wrong with her? The tears continued flowing down her checks as she kept coming back to the inevitable conclusion that to be this alone in the world she must have some tragic flaw. 

Abbey shifted nervously on the bed. What was CJ thinking? Why wouldn’t she talk to her? She could tell by looking at the lines under her eyes that the stress was beginning to take a toll on her body, not to mention the malnutrition of the past day. But Abbey couldn’t find the words to unlock CJ, to help her. She gently sat the orange juice back on the night stand and laid back down beside CJ, her head propped up on her right hand as she brushed the hair from CJ’s face with the other. God this woman was beautiful, why did she have to hurt so much? And for the second time in less than half a year Abbey bent down to place a kiss on CJ’s lips. Her lips were salty from the tears yet sweet from the juice, and Abbey could feel the pain radiating from somewhere deep inside CJ. Abbey’s tongue slowly separated CJ’s lips, and then ran along the back edge of the top lip. God this woman tasted good, Abbey thought to herself as she tilted her head to taste the bottom lip. 

CJ’s thoughts stopped, was this a dream? Were those Abbey’s lips? Surely she was still asleep, the orange juice, all of it must have been a dream, and maybe Simon wasn’t even dead. Her thoughts snapped back as Abbey’s tongue began its exploration. No this was real, and it felt good. CJ could feel the tension of her emotions; her lips were communicating deep pleasure while her gut still felt the stress and pain of Simon’s death. CJ gave into the pleasure and tilted her head further back, opening her jaw and allowing Abbey more access to her mouth. As the kiss deepened Abbey could feel CJ allowing herself to let go. With each soft stroke of Abbey’s tongue, CJ seemed to release a little bit more stress. CJ began to kiss back, craning her neck up to meet Abbey’s tongue, lips moving in harmony as Abbey’s hands began to stroke CJ’s neck and ears. CJ let out a soft moan as Abbey shifted from her side to directly above her. As they broke away for a breath Abbey moved on to CJ’s jaw and down to her neck. She placed long slow kisses from one side of the neck to the other, stopping on the far side to suck and lick the sensitive skin just below the ear. “Oh, God, Abbey, you- you don’t have to do this.”

“Shhhh,” Abbey whispered with a gleam in her eye as she gazed up at the press secretary, “shh Claudia Jean, I’m not having to do anything, this is natural, it is what you do when the person you love is in pain, this is what you need.” With that Abbey resumed her assault on CJ’s neck, alternating sensuous kisses with hot breathy licks. When her lips found their way back to CJ’s there was no longer any hesitation. CJ was attacking the kiss as if her last hope depended on it. Without breaking the kiss, Abbey began to move her hands down CJ’s body, finding her nearly nonexistent hips and slowly pushing the pajama top’s material up from the waist. Her thumbs began to rub up and down the soft skin of CJ’s stomach and ribs in perfect harmony with Abbey’s lips which had begun to rhythmically tease CJ’s. The dual sensations were igniting every nerve in CJ’s mind; it had been years since she had felt this alive. Still the thoughts of insecurity and loneliness crept into her mind. Shit, can’t she enjoy this moment without the pain? She reached up to put her arms around Abbey’s neck while lifting her hips up find Abbey’s hands. 

“Well, well, eager now?” Abbey said teasingly as she felt CJ’s hips push. In reality she knew that one of the best things for CJ’s stressed body right now would be the endorphins that accompany a sexual release. “Shut up Abbey, just kept going.” CJ murmured as she let herself be engulfed again by Abbey’s mouth. But this time Abbey was no longer gentle, each thrust of her tongue into CJ’s mouth was accompanied by a quick move of her hands, which slid into CJ’s waistband and pulled of her panties and pajama bottoms in a few quick tugs. Without breaking the kiss, Abbey began to rub her fingers up and down CJ’s slit, slow at first, but rapidly picking up speed. She moved her left hand up to CJ’s neck and could feel the groan that came as Abbey brushed against CJ’s clit. “Abbey, oh, Abbey” CJ moaned as the First Lady’s thumb began to put pressure on the clit, slowly rubbing every widening concentric circles. Abbey didn’t slow down, while continuing to ravage CJ’s mouth, and keeping pressure on the clit, she slipped a finger into CJ. She began to work it in and out in rhythm with the kissing and clit strokes. CJ was nearly over the edge already, wiggling beneath the first lady, and beginning to push her hips up to meet Abbey’s hand with each stroke. Abbey added another two fingers to her assault and sat back a little giving CJ plenty of room to breath. CJ instinctively lifted her arms up over her shoulders to grab the wrought iron bed as Abbey placed a hand firmly on her stomach to keep her hips in place. “Oh, yes, yes Abbey, right there. Good God. Fuck, Abbey fuck!” CJ exclaimed between gasps for air. Abbey increased the pace ramming the palm of her hand against CJ’s clit with every thrust. Right as CJ was about to convulse with pleasure Abbey pulled out two of the fingers and used her index finger to make circular motions on the walls of CJ’s vagina, gradually pushing harder and harder against the G-spot. “Oh, God, Abbey, please. Please, I need this, just fuck Abbey, fuck.” Abbey smiled at CJ’s request knowing that the anticipation was only going to make the orgasm that much better for her. After a few moments she resumed the frantic three finger endeavor and shifted her body back over CJ, while her thumb worked vigorous circles into CJ’s clit. 

The change in pace, and the pressure of Abbey’s hips and breast, were too much for CJ. “Oh shit!” She heard herself yell as she slipped over the edge of pleasure, exploding all over Abbey’s hand. Everything went dark for a few seconds as she felt the blood racing, she could still feel Abbey’s fingers deep inside of her, her own walls contracting around them in ecstasy. And then nothing, she could almost feel her heart stop pounding as her body began the divine orgasmic recovery. She felt her legs and arms go limp as her breath resumed a normal pattern. And then she became aware of Abbey perched over her, watching the whole thing. She slowly opened her eyes to see Abbey’s gorgeous face waiting patiently with a smile, and a soft kiss.

“You are beautiful, you know?” Abbey whispered as CJ lay there still reclaiming her breath. “Not just your body, although I think countless men – and women for that matter – have told you that. But you, Claudia Jean, are beautiful, everything about you.” Abbey shifted to her side laying an arm and leg across CJ’s body, holding it tight against her own.

CJ tried to smile, but became aware of the pain again. The memories flooded back. Simon walking her down the street, greeting her in the office, kissing her in New York. The thought of exactly who Abbey was, of how Abbey herself had said that in a different universe maybe, but not here. As a new flood of tears began to well, CJ rolled over to look into Abbey’s eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered softly, “not just for the beautiful thing, but for the whole thing.” She took another breath, “Thank you for being here for the past day.” She began to choke up as she continued, “It’s just that, I feel so alone, everyone I love is beyond my reach.” 

“Shhh, sweetie, don’t talk like that. You are not alone, I for one love you very much, and don’t intend to leave you anytime soon, so go back to sleep I’ll be here when you wake up.” As she spoke, Abbey reached up and began to lightly brush CJ’s hair. Within a few moments CJ was fast asleep, escaping temporally the sanity that was waiting with the next morning. 

Abbey held her close the rest of the night, knowing that the next morning they both had resume their normal schedules. It was unheard of for either of them to take this long of a break from work, even if a loved one had recently been murdered. Abbey also needed to get back to Jed she had hardly heard from him in the past day, they had talked briefly on the phone while CJ slept during the day. She didn’t know what to do with her feelings. She hadn’t been lying when she told CJ that she loved her, but she also loved Jed, despite any challenges their marriage had faced in the past year. To make the whole thing worse, Jed was truly her best friend, the one person she would normally go to in order to talk through confusing feelings like this. Abbey let out a sigh, and pulled CJ a little closer; all these things would have to wait until morning.


End file.
